Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to

Have you come across this phrase before? "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should" or "just because you can, doesn't mean you have to?"

The first time I came across it, was talking with a friend of mine - another 5/1 profile in Human Design. Specifically, it was that as a Line 5, just because I'm good at solving problems, fixing things...doesn't mean I always need to.

Seems like a no brainer, right? Except it kind of blew my mind.

I am 100000% a fixer. I know this, and work on things like asking people, "do you want ideas on how to solve this challenge, or do you want me to listen?" Or, as my dad used to ask, did I want to talk with him or talk at him.

While I was aware I needed to ask people what they wanted, I never really thought about the fact that I didn't need to even offer to "fix". It's something that is so ingrained in me, I didn't realize I had a choice.

Once I had awareness, I started to notice all the different ways my impulse to solve/fix would show up. Most of it was in my personal life. I was respecting other people's boundaries, but hadn't created ones of my own. I mean why wouldn't I try to help my family if I saw a solution for them?

A few months ago, I started reading Boundary Boss by Terri Cole. I thought I had really good boundaries...less than 1/3 of the way in, I realized I didn't. I was creating some boundaries, but I was often overextending my own. It wasn't that I couldn't and wouldn't help others, it was more about how many times I was taking it upon myself to solve and fix things, without even being asked. P.S. turns out it's very common to think you have really good boundaries, and realize you don't.

So when I first heard the phrase above, it was a light bulb moment.

First, I realized this was something I was naturally good at (problem solving). It's a gift and natural inclination - not a "weird Jen thing" - something I've been working on.

Second, it gave me permission to not fix everything. I've used the awareness of what's going on to change my actions. I've created better boundaries - ones to keep myself reined in - and it's saved me a LOT of energy.

I've seen this process work time and time again - becoming aware of an aspect or behavior, which lets me ultimately change my actions. From a scientific perspective, I've probably been "rewiring" my brain. From a spiritual modality perspective, I consider it becoming more aligned. It just so happens that I find the latter easier to understand. Sometimes the science books are too technical..and I stop reading them. Oops.

For me, I learned about this through Human Design, but you can do this work without a modality. All you have to do is think about a behavior that's been challenging for you. That alone, will start to make you more conscious of when it's showing up, and then you can work on the action piece.

If this is something you're working on, I'd love to know!